Not a happy camper

[demonbrat_98]

I am so not happy now, it is not even funny.

My grandfather is in the early to mid stages of Alzheimer's. For the past 18 months he has been living with his step-daughter, J. J was very insistent about him moving in with her when the doctor said he could no longer live on his own. Two Fridays ago, J called my father and said she was starting to get burned out and it was time to start looking at assisted living facilities (ALF). So we started - no big deal. We always told her that we would figure something out whenever it go to be too much. My parents had to appointments last Saturday. Saturday morning, J calls - her husband's mother called and she wanted all of her children in Kansas City. So we picked my grandfather up. We ended up keeping him for over a week (my father had to take the week off from work) and never heard from J. She call's early Saturday (yesterday) to say she's home. My parents dropped him back off with J earlier today. We got a phone call at 8:30 tonight - she can't do this anymore, can we pick him up tomorrow. What the hell changed in less than 12 hours??

My mother and I are majorly pissed off. She was the one who wanted to keep him and then suddenly she can't do it for even one more week? This isn't something that just happens. She had to have been feeling this way for several weeks. It would have been nice to have a little more warning!! She seems to think that all we have to do is pick an ALF and he can move in within days!! She even mentioned that my father could use the Family and Medical Leave Act, so obviously she had to have been researching that - another indicator that this has been brewing for several weeks.

What makes things so hard for us is that my sister is physically and mentally handicapped - she's three years younger than me, but is our eternal 7 year old. She does not handle having her routine changed and whenever our grandfather comes, he gets her room and she sleeps on an air mattress in my room. Plus, she doesn't understand what is going on so she gets very upset. I am so not looking forward to the next few weeks.

Comments

[pfeifferpack.livejournal.com]

Glad you are looking into a good assisted living home (they do exist). It sucks your soul to try to care for loved ones that way. We took care of my mother for a couple of years once she needed full time care and it was exhausting in every way (my sister had her living at her home. I stayed during the day while she worked and then my husband picked me up for our work at night). Eventually the hospital (after the last of many falls) refused to release her except to a facility. By that time her mind was rarely able to remember any of us (and damn that hurts). She was there 6 months with us visiting every day and finally passed away. The whole experience was draining for many reasons but the facility at least allowed a bit of rest probably for her too.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}} to ALL of you!

Kathleen

[demonbrat-98.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your thoughts. After having him here for the week, it is obvious that we can't take care of both from a mental and physical standpoint - there are too many steps in our house so he is confined to one level. And as my parents have said, my sister has to be their priority, and having him living here would be incredibly hard on her. She loves him dearly, but he scares her.

We have managed to find two really good facilities and we have two more to check out. There was a third one, but as soon as my parents walked in, they knew it wouldn't work. We're hoping to have him someplace by Thanksgiving, and hopefully earlier.

[ladyforash.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine how frustrating that must be, and J should have never let it get to the point where she would have to do what she did. What a crappy situation. I'm so sorry!

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

That is indeed a sad situation and I'm so glad that you are looking into assisted care. And good luck with your search.